I was doing my usual searching for people who have nothing else to do with their lives and don’t want to start thinking that we’re just insignificant little particles of dust floating in a space that we don’t even know the dimensions of, but somehow we’ve created concepts like a God and myths like the one where Sisyphus pushes a rock over a mountain for all of eternity — so to make things lighter, I was on Snapchat.

It turns out that Snapchat is a little different. No more Phone Texts: they’ve decided that making fun of how sneaky teenagers are was invading their privacy, some of them had guns, and you don’t wanna mess with that. So they hired a different company. No more camera matching apps like Olive. No more games with soccer players. At least here in Brazil. They decided to call up on Facebook. That’s right: their once biggest competitor is now paying for ads on there.

What do people think is going to happen? You see, it’s not Meta. Do they want to incentivize people to input all of their information and really get to know each other before blocking and reporting? Well great for a little rat who has to decide whether to go left and right and earn a snack, but when you’re thinking about global social media, it’s a little more complicated, isn’t it? “Let the kids snap!”, said Jon Stewart, a little before he got fired from the Daily Show. The Saudis must have hated it. Women? Showing themselves? Not in our Kingdom.

Then would you look at TikTok. I gave it a look, and made a fake account because I have better things to do than giving all my info to Huawei so they can help Kazakhstan deal weapons with advanced GPS and track maritime activity for their brand new service, iFishy. After a few disappointing, totally tasteless videos, there were some romantic ones, and eventually a dance. Then the ad showed me condoms. Yes, condoms. Don’t they know how big Cum4K is? This is misinformation. If I were Kevin McCarthy, I’d sue the CCP for hate propaganda and antisemitism. Which is when you’re against the semen.

Unfortunately, that’s the level of education today. I’m supposed to fear a backlash for the joke I made, but Sarah Silverman knew exactly what she was doing. Imagine John Oliver, reporting on Brazil. Imagine Glenn freaking Greenwald. Journalism exists, still, and one of the most tense days I had in my life was when I tried to make my data plan work again, and discovered the problem is inside my phone. I’ll have to take it to the “Mobile Hospital” store. Wish me luck, I don’t think they accept my Universal Health Care card. But yeah, it’s 2023, and the homeless don’t have an ID — imagine making them pass YOTI and receive in USDT.