Statista says that the average number of social media accounts for teenagers worldwide was over 9 up until 2019. Apps have grown, userbases gotten larger and habits as well as opinions have changed, drastically or not, because we navigated a pandemic. Obviously, we need more research, but now everybody talks about AI. It turns out that these systems are designed to keep the user hooked on apps for longer, engaging more and making numbers for corporations such as Meta, ByteDance and Google, with YouTube alone occupying 2 hours per day of an American teenager’s life. Doesn’t it sound reasonable to establish a few ground rules to avoid harms that social media use might cause, or do we really believe that the more contact they have with the “cool stuff online”, the better?

Let’s be honest: I’m 35 years old, and as much as I try to label myself as a workaholic, I don’t do nearly as much as professional content creators, whether or not I should be included in that category as well. I record, I have scripts, a call to action, a strategy, several topics at hand, I manage different media across different platforms, and I sell a course. I advertise for my materials, for study and for informational purposes, sometimes for entertainment. Some of what I do is provocative; other times, I stick to the manual and provide insights on what people are talking about, giving credible sources in embedded links, and making it easier to understand what’s going on, especially in technology, with an opinion piece. I’ve done that with many iconic platforms, from YouNow to Omegle; from Tumblr to Snap; from Tinder to Adult Friend Finder. And in the meantime, I talked about laws being proposed to shape the future of the web. It’s hard, but it’s something I feel needs to be done by someone. But what about management, to address the main topic?

I have to pick one. I can start by saying that dating online is getting murkier than ever, and navigate examples. The tone would be cautionary. In other words, teenagers wouldn’t be likely to read, because they hate anything that refers to the terms of use, unless they can make a scandal out of it. And cautionary tales are for parents to be aware of what their kids are doing, and so they might feel exposed by seeing a behavior of theirs purported in a blog. A much more interesting strategy would be to announce: “The King of Tinder: How This Guy Slept With 200 Women In a Year By Using a Simple Strategy”. That’s likely to get clicks. Not: “The Dangers of Tinder: Women Who Have Been Shamed By The Authorities While Narrating Stories Of Abuse”. Nobody would care. And I have to raise a point here: you can have your own opinion. But in the course of things I’ve been following, with massive amounts of pornography consumption and production and more and more regular people opening an account on OnlyFans, the rest of the apps are all for flirting, and so when you (like me) find yourself having cam sex on Facebook Messenger, you have to wonder how things changed. Imagine! The same platform where your 62 year old, right-wing nut dad is, and also your 8 year-old second degree cousin, who’s almost old enough to play the same games on his phone as you. As a reasonable person, my duty is to give less traction to the Tinder King and more awareness to the Tinder victim, but that doesn’t mean I’m choosing negativity over positivity; that means I care, while so many others fucking don’t.

Someone should calculate the number of impressions teenagers get. If they’re popular, they have over a thousand friends on Facebook, over 5 thousand on Snap, 20 thousand on Instagram and a monetizable YouTube channel. They’re on their path to being influencers. Because of hard work? Not exactly. Maybe because of micro-management.

The amount of tasks that we’re all doing when we browse our apps and websites is so crazy that we don’t notice how much information we’re giving out to tech companies. Each like, one more point of data about us. Each comment, each view, each click. Each video call, and its duration. Tumblr shows you the accounts you love the most: your “crushes”; Instagram ranks your followers in a particular order. Twitter used to show 20 accounts that they wanted you to interact with, when you typed @ and waited for the username to be completed. These little “secrets” became popular myths, but today people talk about the algorithm in a much more sophisticated way. Each action has a reaction from the network. And you have to measure them well.

If you start seeing social media as your day job, let’s hope to God you’re not 14 years old. If you are, you should seek help. And it might not be easy: the parents are absent, the classmates are absolute tools, the teachers have too many things to do or sometimes they simply can’t talk about stuff with you, and who has the money to pay for a therapist? That’s right: social media could make you start taking anxiety pills very soon, before you’re even legally allowed to browse the web. The internet wasn’t made for kids, it just adapted its platforms to offer kid-friendly content. But it’s absolutely not a place for kids. I wouldn’t let my kid ride a bike in the town square. I can’t watch them 100% of the time, forget about it. If they’re playing a game on the couch, fine, go for it. But inhabiting the same spaces that people use to get drunk and steal phones at night, when they’re not smoking weed or having public sex? I don’t think my 8 year old will be anywhere near that.

But in terms of what they do online, if you give them a phone and tell them how stuff works, it might be a conversation worth preparing for. Unwanted interactions, close friends, support networks, how to talk and to stop talking, who to search for, telling me who you’re talking to and who you’re meeting, how it’s going, what you’re up to, sharing something cool you’ve seen, convincing me that something’s funny, and trying to convince me that if you keep seeing stuff like that, you still have your phone to use all day long: those first years are a drag, but I’m not a parent.

What worries me is how many notifications they get. And how much the dopamine receptors are stimulated, to the point of either numbness or vicious agitation. You deal with one thing at a time. You got a like? Cool. Be happy with it. You got 50? Wow, congratulations. I suppose that means the type of content you posted performs well. But keep in mind this is a media platform, and you’re using media strategies to engage with an audience, and that doesn’t mean you have 50 friends who love you unconditionally. Move on to the next. A thousand views on your TikTok video? It must’ve been interesting. The editing paid off. Maybe if you feel like it, you’ll do it again. Be content with your followers for now, and try not to follow only people you think are hot. That’s a little shallow, and I’m not raising a basic bitch. Have some content. 10 new emails? Okay, organize them. Did you know Gmail has labels? You can nest everything under your own specified items. and mark as read or unread. It’s good to go over them, and to pay attention to why and how you’re getting notified. You can opt out. 30 new conversations on WhatsApp? Well, be careful. 30 people having your number is quite the stretch, honey. It wasn’t always like this. At all. Make sure you reply, but if you don’t have the time, consider if it was a good or bad idea to give them your number in the first place, and if you can’t decide, you can block them. But it’s not ideal. It’s just how your mom did things.

And so the list goes on. As time goes by, new challenges come along. But social media requires a level of micro-management. Each task has an impact on our well-being. And if you wanna do a good job, you have to lead by example. Whether that’s gonna be finding the funniest, cutest, sassiest shit to post or hiding in a hole listening to music all day and eventually asking if there’s pizza, it’s up to you. But be reminded that pizza is expensive, and the parents are the ones paying the internet bill, sweetheart.